He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
