just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
