Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize