but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
