If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it's like iHOP with fire
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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