I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
