there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
