During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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