I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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