i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My vagina just recognized that song.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
