Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
