I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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