"it" just moved
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
