just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
