i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
