the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
