what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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