The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
