now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
