You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
