Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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