dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
