my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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