it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
