I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
