I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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