hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
