Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
