"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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