I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
