Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
