you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
