Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize