The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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