I just cut my nipple shaving
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
