3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
