Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
