Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize