I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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