im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My cat gives me a boner
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
