yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
