he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
