Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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