Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
