the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
