just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
