Someone shit on the floor
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
