I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
