i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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