So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
