he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
