Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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