90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
