Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
