WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
