I feel like abortions should bother me more
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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