Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
