You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
