what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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