I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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