Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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