forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
