but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize