I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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