Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
