My friends, they love my intelligence
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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