Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
