Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize