Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
