I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
