Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
