actually, I'm a sock model
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
