Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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