After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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