i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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