Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
