I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
