Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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