I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
