We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
