you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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