He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
