Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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