you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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