I wanna bring you to show and tell
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
