I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
