The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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