I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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