I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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