I will die if light touches me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
